[the eob show]


The worst noisy neighbor ever?

These Chicago neighbors are fighting over Loud Sex! How do they handle it? They write passive aggressive notes to each other. We benefit with the humor of it all. I used to bang my broom handle on the ceiling in my old apartment.


The complaining Neighbor's Letter:

Could you please put a record on super loud or something when you are F---ING?? I'd really appreciate NOT having to hear every single trust [sic] and moan right through the f---ing wall. And I'm SURE you'd rather not share THAT info with complete strangers. Luckily for me, it never lasts very long. "


The LOUD Neighbor posts this back:

"Dear Neighbor,

My, my! How lovely to meet you in this incredibly tactful, kind + civilized manner. Did you really need to post your hissyfit on my door like a whiney scarlet letter? ... Your obvious frustration from my pleasure saddens + confuses me. I'm not yelling, or anything terribly disrespectful. Apparently, we have the thinnest walls on Earth because -- I assure you -- the moans you're so upset by are masturbation induced. That's why it "doesn't last very long." I know what I'm doing and porn is free, + I have the best vibrator. I got it at Taboo Taboo [sic] down the street. You should really invest in one -- you sound a bit, uh, tense...


I am proud of my sexuality, so your attempted SLUT-SHAMING is useless here. Had you approached me n a respectful manner, I would have been happy to oblige. But we all know our rent is exorbitant. I pay enough to do whatever I please in the privacy of my own home. AND PLEASE I SHALL! I suggest you whip out your big girl panties and deal with it.

Much love!

- The girl in 517"


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